Saturday, September 21, 2013

Homeward-bound

Hey lovely people, it seems as though I have once again found the time to get behind my camera and my desk for some good ol' blogging.

I've been up to, well, not so much lately. Apart from my holiday in Crete, things have been going the way they've always gone: Work, eat, sleep, pet kitty, party. Lala's slowly growing into a beautiful grown lady-cat and even though I can't even remember the last time I've had a proper all-night sleep (she likes to chew my hair and slap me in the face when I sleep), I love her like a fat kid loves cake.

So two weeks ago I took off to Crete with my family. Our first holiday in years, and also the first holiday without dad. We used to go camping in Spain every Summer since I was 7. The last time I joined my parents was when I was 17 and since then it was just mom and dad going there, while me and my brothers would have the house to ourselves (you'd think we would've thrown massive parties, but we didn't).
My mom wanted something radically different from having our caravan parked right at the beach at Camping Francas in El Vendrell, Tarragona, and after some searching, we found this really good all-inclusive deal for a 7-night stay at a very fancy 5-star hotel in Crete, the Mitsis Laguna Resort & Spa. Even though it was hard to be with my family 24/7 again, it was so great. So decadent, with the cocktails and the giant buffets and the pretty pools and the super SUPER friendly staff. I had to dip into my savings to book the room, but it was worth it. I even had the obligatory summer luuuv with the hotel's casanova (oh god how cheesy), I'm pretty sure he's already had at least two other chicks in the past week since I've gone home but hey, you're young, you're single and you've had at least 3 pina coladas. Things like these just happen, you know.



Today is the first time in a long while that I've made the effort to do my hair like I'd used to always do. It's a weird thing, for 5 years I took so much pride in my curls and considered my hair my main asset, almost like a lion's mane. No way I would be seen in public with my hair undone.
And then about a year ago I started not giving a fuck anymore, I wore my hair in a bun and got used to seeing my bare face - something I had hated since forever.
It's good to finally be comfortable with my head without the adornment of big, fluffy hair, but yesterday I had this weird feeling that it was time to take the scissors, fix my fringe and go back to being the old me.

I'm wearing two of my favourite necklaces today: A wishbone necklace that I once got at Forever 21 for like €3, and totally forgot about, and the necklace I bought in Crete to commemorate the holiday. I bought it because I thought it was pretty, and when my vacay-lover asked me if it meant anything, that is exactly what I told him: It's just pretty.
Because this coin seemed to pop up in every souvenir or jewelry shop we visited, I got curious though, and once home I looked up the meaning of the engraving on this coin. Little did I know I would stumble upon a wikipedia page dedicated to this "coin", the Phaistos disk. The writings on the disk have yet to be deciphered and all significance given to the text are just hypothesizes but I liked this one idea that I read that the text is a declaration of war to invaders.
It's kind of like how I've been feeling these past few months, maybe even years if you take these slumbering thoughts in my head into account. I have never been the most optimistic person, and though I try to fight it, negativity controls most of what I do. Prominently, my fear of failure holds me back from living the life I want to lead - I've refrained from taking up an instrument as a kid, I've dropped out of college a few years back, and currently I have to battle every fiber of my being just to draw, paint or design.

So I guess that would be my declaration of war. Next week, on September 27 I'll turn 23 years old and I'm done being afraid. I haven't gotten this old just to let myself be held back by a mere concept, right? It's time to make a change for the better.

See you soon, friends.



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2 Comments:

At September 21, 2013 at 6:15 PM , Blogger Annebeth said...

:) mooi en sterk en eerlijk. Ik ben ook heel vaak bang, trouwens. En ik maak mezelf helemaal gek met zorgen en twijfel. Ik ben trots op je dat je daar tegen blijft vechten!

 
At September 29, 2013 at 1:03 PM , Blogger S. said...

mooi je haar zo ! gelukkige verjaardag ook ondertussen :) nu ik zie dat het al 29 september is hehe

goed dat je ervoor wilt gaan - ongeachte paniek
je moet gewoon denken je kan enkel maar spijt hebben van dingen die je niet gedaan hebt in je leven!
en volgens mij is iedereen bang hoor, ik ook, maar je moet soms gewoon denken 'fuck it' en uiteindelijk komt alles altijd wel op zijn pootjes terecht

 

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