Change for the better: Part 2

Hello again! Today I’m back with some progress on my pledge to overcome my fear of failure. Missed part one? Here it is for ya.

So in the past two weeks, I’ve been doing lots of reading, thinking and soul searching, but not a lot of drawing, painting and designing. As per usual. But my second visit to the psychologist has definitely put a few things in perspective. So here’s what I’ve learned so far:

When inspiration strikes, a little voice in my head tells me I have to clean up the EVERYTHING before getting started. I’m not exactly a tidy person, as in, without regular rounds of inspection, a chair will turn into a pile of laundry, shoes are everywhere, and dirty dishes... Oh please let’s not talk about dirty dishes!

A tidy space is a clear mind, but in my years of being a chronic procrastinator, I have used household chores as an excuse to delay whatever it is I should be doing. Everyone knows that feeling right, you should be working on an essay for school, get administrative papers in order or reply to an e-mail and you’re just sitting around browsing Pinterest or watching another episode of Modern Family (guilty!). The key to being a procrastinator with a clear conscience is to choose the lesser of two evils. You see, I may not have drawn that excellent picture of my cat disguised as a lamp, but I did do the laundry and mop the floor. Not bad, right?

For my illustrations, an essential piece in my workplace would be a printer and scanner. I have always refrained from buying a printer because it’s an ongoing expense, having to buy cartridges every few months or so. So whenever I had an idea in mind and needed reference to draw, I would have to schedule my creative moments around my access to a printer. I’m pretty sure this refusal to buy a flippin’ printer is another excuse to procrastinate, so I finally caved in and decided on this baby:

 In my head I thought I was going to have to dig into my savings as for some reason I thought a printer would cost me about €200, but in fact the scanner combos are not even €100! WHAT! This baby is €65 and I think we’ll get along just fine. No more using my camera to get my drawings on the computer either.

(The flower on the right is something I'll be painting over some day, no worries)

Instead of always focussing on what I’m not good at, my psychologist told me I should think about all the things I can do. Yet for me, there’s a large gap between cognitively understanding something and really believing it. So here’s a list of things I’m good at, but not particularly care about: 

 - I’m a good public speaker. My presentations in class always got me good grades and I whipped up a speech on the spot at an event for which I had designed a t-shirt. There were cameras and federal politicians and I was all “wait I have to talk into, like, a microphone????” But apparently I made it work. I completely forgot about that day until now. 

 - I’ve got the gift of one-liners (high five if you sung and ‘you’ve got the curse of curves’ in your head!). Not just one-liners though, language has always been a strong suit for me. Writing has always come naturally to me, whether it’s fiction, a formal letter, applying for a job, whatever! I picked up English just by watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and the few words of Spanish that I know I can almost pronounce like a native speaker. 

 - I’m a quick learner and a hard worker, rendering me an awesome employee. I'm also an idealist, which could be considered a good as well as a bad thing but on the bright side: I always try to treat others the way I'd like to be treated: With respect and kindness. (If I don't get those things however, I will probably give you the death glare.)

So I'm going to try and crank up my confidence a little, stop focussing on what I'm not good at (yet!), but think about my skills, or dare I say, talents, instead! 

Last but not least, I'm going to try to let go of my own expectations, kick off my shoes, make some tea and let the inspiration flow.
When I get my printer.
After I've mopped the floor.

If you guys have any suggestions to add to this incredibly short playlist, let me know!

♬

Survivor - Eye of the Tiger
Queen - I Want to Break Free

Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive

If anyone needs me, I'll be rocking out, dancing with Lala in my jammies! See you all later!