Change for the better: Part 4

When I look back at life, I can only find a few things I truly regret. Sure there are some friends I've drifted apart from that I wish were still in my life, and there are some nasty things that I've said to people I care or cared about that I'd prefer to take back, but real regret? Apart from not spending enough time with my dad when he was alive, I can only find one thing I really look back upon with deep sadness: Dropping out of college.

As I've mentioned a million times before (which only goes to show the mark it has left on my poor, poor soul), after a gap year I went back to school with high hopes and a mind open to all the cool stuff I would learn. I didn't do much research on what studying Graphic Design would entail but I figured I would love it anyway, considering the fact it was hard to knock me away from my computer as I was designing little layouts for my then-very new blog, and boy was I eager to learn.

And hell, was I wrong, too. Turns out I'm a very pragmatic person, a yes-or-no, black-or-white-and-I-don't-care-about-your-so-called-greys kind of gal: Which is the exact reason why I don't like magic, I hate thinking about the vastness of the universe and economics. Okay that one is kind of off but dammit I do not understand a notion about economics. (My solution is just to print mo' damn money yo!)

There is no set answer when it comes to designing, no right or wrong (unless you're using Comic Sans, because well, that's just wrong), no yes or no. Thus the only way of learning, was to make mistakes, to talk about the mistakes, and think of ways to improve. We had one professor who really knew what he was doing. We'd be drawing the naked lady in the center of the room and he would stop by every student and use the famous sandwich technique.
If you're ever in the position to give criticism, I suggest you listen up - this was the only class I kept going to even after I had decided to drop out - The sandwich technique is when you say something nice, then gently drop the c-bomb (criticism, you dirtbag!), then end with something nice again.
Worked like a charm. We all saw right through it, but even so, most of us felt so much more confident in his class and thus more willing to try new things than in any other class.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, a little bit of feel good goes a long way: Positive reinforcement helps you break out the vicious circle of fear of failure, and over the past few weeks I have come to notice that I don't feel as anxious to start a new project anymore, ideas are flowing and taking action is starting to become so much easier! Hurray!

That little voice inside my head telling me I'll fail is still there, perhaps even louder than ever but at least now I can understand what it's rambling on about.
Our heads are so full of white noise, it can be hard to solidify thoughts. You probably know that feeling when you want to redecorate your bedroom/give yourself a make-over and you think you have it all figured out but then you hit the stores and you're clueless (or if you're like me you buy ALL THE THINGS and realise when you get home that nothing matches, or that this was not quite the look you were going for, after all). That's when moodboards come in handy, because unlike vague ideas and fleeting thoughts, they present actual visual guidelines.
So I thought long and hard about what exactly that voice in my head is saying, filtered out the white noise, and tried reversing these negative mantras:

... Yet that's probably because they put a lot more time and effort into their passion than I do. The reason why I put up that drawing of my mom's cat Enya in a Matryoshka costume, is because I don't want to only showcase the perfect work, because hey, everyone fails. It's like the lyrics in one of Macklemore's (I LOVE THAT DUDE) songs, Ten Thousand Hours, which I quoted in the image atop this post. I bet even bitchy-looking Rembrandt up there did some paintings that were sort of shitty.

Ah, the American dream. Hard work only comes in secondly, because first and foremost, you have to really want it and set your mind to it. Laws of attraction, you know, that kind of thing that Oprah likes so much. Obviously it worked out pretty well for her, but not for me. I'm not an existentialist, in the nature versus nurture discussion I stand somewhere in the middle, I realise I'm privileged just by being born in a first world country, in a white middle class family and that compared to the rest of the world, I don't have many battles to fight. I have everything going for me, but until recently I still didn't manage to pick up a pencil on a regular basis even though I really want to - lord knows how badly! Maybe even too badly - The need for success created a huge amount of pressure, and I think I just couldn't bare it any longer and snapped.

When I was a kid, we didn't have a lot of money. We were never poor, but prioritising was essential, and to me, that meant I hated spending my pocket money on candy, entrance fees to parties, lunches with friends etc... I let go of that throughout the years, when my parents had a little bit more to spend and more so when I got my first job at the local shoe store when I was 17. Money is not an issue anymore, but another thing gained value rapidly: Time. Ten thousand hours is a lot you guys, how do I find the time to draw if I can't even prepare a frikkin' meal before 8PM on a weekday?!

But alas, practice is much needed, and luckily I enjoy it more than I did now that some of the pressure is wearing off. Once again: Have some tea, pet your cat (if you don't have one, get one) and have fun.

This is what I wake up with from my naps in the couch (unless she's using my body as a trampoline, that is).

This one is probably the most damaging of all. Before seeing a psychologist during my year in college and she told me that what I was feeling was fear, not laziness, I, and others, chastised myself for being a lazy fuck, but peepz, do NOT let anyone tell you you're just lazy when you're fighting every fibre of your body trying to do what you love: Clearly you're a perseverer if you're trying so hard to make it work even if the wheels of your wagon aren't as round as others'. 

So instead of blaming yourself, pat yourself on the back, even if the work that's being done is mostly in your head. Okay that makes us sound like we're crazy people but lets just agree that it's about darn time to get them hands dirty, yo!

Oh and, by the way, you guys! Lala decided she didn't like my old phone so she climbed on my bedroom shelf and shmacked my phone to the floor. I upgraded to an iPhone and I got a little app-crazy, so I have Instagram like everyone else now! See that little purple icon down there? Click it! Follow me! I promise I won't go too far with the cat pictures (unless you want me to, which YOU OBVIOUSLY DO).

Yours truly,

Vicky and Lala.

See the rest of this series? Click here! 

Cancel the moon

Hey dudes! Check it out, it's the weekend and I'm not in my jammies! Haha, okay seriously now. The blouse I'm wearing is something I found in the River Island midseason sales. If I had any character I would never ever buy from that store again, because I've had one too many (or 3 too many) frustrating encounters with their customer service (what do you mean you can't give me a refund for shoes that fell apart after JUST TAKING THEM OUT OF THE BAG?). 

But here I go again, swooning over some bargains (I also got a beautiful beaded top and some pink kitty-printed jammies) but I guess the prices were so low they were a total steal anyway. 

Gauzy blouse - River Island

Crystal ball ring - eBay

Other rings - H&M

Tan bag - Vintage

Red suede boots - Zara

Left to right: H&M, online, AllSaints

I also have a purplish, matte metallic holographic nail thing going on but I don't know if I like it yet and even if I did it is SO HARD to take a picture of your own nails... I seriously need a blogger buddy to shoot my pictures, guys.

Which reminds me, I'll be going to the DaWanda Designmarkt in Brussels on Nov. 17, and hopefully return with lots of inspiration to pump some energy back into my jewelry making business! It's funny, I've been blogging for like four and a half years now I think, and this is the first invite to an event that I've gotten. I was starting to feel left out, y'all :(

Okay this is turning into a sulkfest pretty fast, which is hardly necessary because I'm at my mom's and I'll be having fries and other greasy snacks in about 10 minutes so excuse me as I set the table (is it just me or does this sound like Dunglish?) and say hello to the cats!

Be back soon!

Change for the better: Part 3

I am a terrible, terrible blogger, doing two of these posts in a row. Sorry to those who really don't care about my drawings and the inner turmoil it causes for me, but I did draw a picture of my Mom's cat Enya in a matryoshka costume? So, are we good now? 

I don't know what to think of this drawing actually, I feel like the different elements don't add up, but I did it and right now that's what's important. If it wouldn't have been for this challenge this drawing probably wouldn't have seen the light of day, but perhaps I'm just being too harsh on myself? I mean, I see really bad illustrative work on t-shirts all the time and people seem to buy that stuff, so... 

On a positive note: I do like that I managed to capture Enya's essence, and the flowers turned out pretty. 

This drawing up there may not be my best ever work (I consider that boat I drew back when I was in school my masterpiece), but hey I'm not going to learn from doing nothing, right? Babysteps is where it's at! I even took a micro mini step and finally finished a teeny tiny project that's been in my closet for far too long. 

If you're a long time reader, you might remember this: 

So I bought that dress because it looked like this other, sold out dress that I really wanted to have, but those flowers didn't really do it for me. I wore it two, maybe three times until it vanished to the back of my wardrobe. About a year and a half later I think, I decided to cut off the flowers. Halfway through, I noticed the big gaping holes the thread had made in the fabric. I smacked myself in the head, thinking I had ruined it and the dress was banished once again. 

But recently I was out running some errands and I needed a basic sewing kit. I thought of this dress and got the kit that included a seam ripper, which brings me back to one of last post's lessons: Get properly equipped. Seriously. 

 If you look really closely you can still see where the flowers were sewn on on the left side

What the scissors did in, oh I don't remember, about 40 minutes, the seam ripper did in 10. When I took the dress out of the laundry, there were no signs left of the thread ever being there. Yay! It's a small victory, but a victory none the less. 

I'm pretty sure slowly gaining confidence is the way to get out of this vicious circle. Just getting things done and staying busy gives you such a rewarding feeling, just make sure those things are relevant to your goals! And if I fail, well that's just another opportunity to learn, right? 

Until next time!

See the rest of this series? Click here! 

Change for the better: Part 2

Hello again! Today I’m back with some progress on my pledge to overcome my fear of failure. Missed part one? Here it is for ya.

So in the past two weeks, I’ve been doing lots of reading, thinking and soul searching, but not a lot of drawing, painting and designing. As per usual. But my second visit to the psychologist has definitely put a few things in perspective. So here’s what I’ve learned so far:

When inspiration strikes, a little voice in my head tells me I have to clean up the EVERYTHING before getting started. I’m not exactly a tidy person, as in, without regular rounds of inspection, a chair will turn into a pile of laundry, shoes are everywhere, and dirty dishes... Oh please let’s not talk about dirty dishes!

A tidy space is a clear mind, but in my years of being a chronic procrastinator, I have used household chores as an excuse to delay whatever it is I should be doing. Everyone knows that feeling right, you should be working on an essay for school, get administrative papers in order or reply to an e-mail and you’re just sitting around browsing Pinterest or watching another episode of Modern Family (guilty!). The key to being a procrastinator with a clear conscience is to choose the lesser of two evils. You see, I may not have drawn that excellent picture of my cat disguised as a lamp, but I did do the laundry and mop the floor. Not bad, right?

For my illustrations, an essential piece in my workplace would be a printer and scanner. I have always refrained from buying a printer because it’s an ongoing expense, having to buy cartridges every few months or so. So whenever I had an idea in mind and needed reference to draw, I would have to schedule my creative moments around my access to a printer. I’m pretty sure this refusal to buy a flippin’ printer is another excuse to procrastinate, so I finally caved in and decided on this baby:

 In my head I thought I was going to have to dig into my savings as for some reason I thought a printer would cost me about €200, but in fact the scanner combos are not even €100! WHAT! This baby is €65 and I think we’ll get along just fine. No more using my camera to get my drawings on the computer either.

(The flower on the right is something I'll be painting over some day, no worries)

Instead of always focussing on what I’m not good at, my psychologist told me I should think about all the things I can do. Yet for me, there’s a large gap between cognitively understanding something and really believing it. So here’s a list of things I’m good at, but not particularly care about: 

 - I’m a good public speaker. My presentations in class always got me good grades and I whipped up a speech on the spot at an event for which I had designed a t-shirt. There were cameras and federal politicians and I was all “wait I have to talk into, like, a microphone????” But apparently I made it work. I completely forgot about that day until now. 

 - I’ve got the gift of one-liners (high five if you sung and ‘you’ve got the curse of curves’ in your head!). Not just one-liners though, language has always been a strong suit for me. Writing has always come naturally to me, whether it’s fiction, a formal letter, applying for a job, whatever! I picked up English just by watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and the few words of Spanish that I know I can almost pronounce like a native speaker. 

 - I’m a quick learner and a hard worker, rendering me an awesome employee. I'm also an idealist, which could be considered a good as well as a bad thing but on the bright side: I always try to treat others the way I'd like to be treated: With respect and kindness. (If I don't get those things however, I will probably give you the death glare.)

So I'm going to try and crank up my confidence a little, stop focussing on what I'm not good at (yet!), but think about my skills, or dare I say, talents, instead! 

Last but not least, I'm going to try to let go of my own expectations, kick off my shoes, make some tea and let the inspiration flow.
When I get my printer.
After I've mopped the floor.

If you guys have any suggestions to add to this incredibly short playlist, let me know!

♬

Survivor - Eye of the Tiger
Queen - I Want to Break Free

Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive

If anyone needs me, I'll be rocking out, dancing with Lala in my jammies! See you all later!

Call me lavender, call me sunshine

Howdy peeps! I had some spare time today and a pretty new cardigan to show so I figured I'd do a little outfit post. 

Cardigan - Forever 21

T-shirt - Zara (old)

Hat - Urban Outfitters (old)

Bag - vintage

Tassle boots - AllSaints (old)

As you can tell in the photos, Lala is steadily growing into a beautiful lady cat. She loves to snuggle up and watch Criminal Minds with me, she takes naps on my belly and when I'm sad she bounces around like a maniac to cheer me up, so cute! 

It's been quite an uneventful week, besides turning 23 that is, so I'll leave this post at that. I'll be back soon with a new update on my Special K challenge. 

See you!